The way life was supposed to be...things happen for a reason...

I don't tend to think about "how life was supposed to be.." how life would had been had I never been addicted, never reckless nor careless, always thoughtful and mindful. I'm of the mindset that things happen for a reason. There was always a reason for the destruction and madness that was my life, a lesson to be learned? "Everything happens for a reason", I would mumble and slur. I swore that my life was shit because, well, "Everything happens for a fucking reason!". How naive was I to think that, when in fact my mind was only making excuses for my foul behavior. Not so much my mind, I suppose, but just me. Denial became a good friend of mine, acceptance was so nonexistent that I didn't even know what acceptance was. Sleepless nights then followed by days of 16 hour cat naps. Wearing long sleeves in the summer even though it is 99 degrees outside so I could hide the tracks that marked my olive complected skin. 99 degrees outside and I'm shivering, so cold. Stomach cramps persist and I know I need to get a hit. Time to hustle, time to work - gotta get better can't stand being sick. Conned my way through this addiction, lied for 3 years straight, kept the lies going till I no longer could. Always was proud of the fact that I never turned tricks, but lying to my family to get money out of them can't be much better than that. Things happen for a reason, do they now? This is the way life was supposed to be.